I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
