i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
