FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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