By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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