Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
