went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
