Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
