We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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