I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am available for nakedness
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
