im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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