I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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