I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
