There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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