What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
