I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
