That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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