You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
