Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
