I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
