Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
