she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
