So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
