As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
