I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
