he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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