he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
