and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
