We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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