Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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