I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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