I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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