left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
