I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
