doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
