I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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