we're chasing vodka with high fives
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
