Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
