I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
