He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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