If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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