Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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