You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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