There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
