I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
