Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
