I think I died a long time ago.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
