no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
