I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
