I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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