Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
