Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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