Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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